View Full Version : JOKES ....++++++THREAD
hello mama hituwa.. joke tikak post karanna...
mama danne naha eka repost the kiyala... but it will be a good thing:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
" New lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.She said, Lets start with the boys first.Boys start giving their intro...First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see"bubble" in the bathtub. Teacher was confused to listen but said, Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John.Yes next.Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see "bubble" in the bathtub.Teacher now got surprised and said, Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see "bubble"in the bathtub.Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next. This continues...and the last boy stands up Im Harry and my hobbyis to see "bubble" in the bathtub.Exhausted, the teacher said, I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long.Anyway, now the girls please. First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.Teacher: Good. At last I got something different.Ok next.Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you...Most beautiful girl of the class:Mam, my name is BUBBLE, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.
fUNNY!!! ISNT IT?
"If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on "run!" If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend." Hit "any key" to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. When you lose your car keys, click on "find." "Help" with the chores is just a click away. You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your emergency boot diskette to recover from a crash. We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately. To feel like a new person, click on to "refresh." Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse. To undo a mistake, click on "back." Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update." If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete."
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... & the other ensures you Continue to do so!"
i got that form my e mail..
i think it form some other web sites.... no worries...
"A man suspected his wife of seeing another man,so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later, he received this report: MOST HONOLABLE SIR:YOU LEAVE HOUSEI WATCH HOUSEHE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCHHE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW.HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NO SEE.NO FEE.CHEN LEE. SOLLEE . !!!!! "
"A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!". The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years... "
"School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. Divorce: Future tense of Marriage. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Father: A banker provided by nature. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills. Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead "
"One day Tom's dad bought a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face. Tom returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?". Tom answered, "Dad we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Tom on his face. His dad told him, this robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?" "Dad I went for a movie", "Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", Splatt... Tom got a tight slap on the face from the robot. "No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." "Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things." Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot. Hearing all this, Tom's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you" The robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Tom's mothers face. Dont ask what the moral of the story is ??????????????????????"
"A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Puff! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two idiots back in the office after lunch.” Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say."
"Two guys were hiking through the Jungle when they spotted a Tiger that looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nike. His friend looked at him: "Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?" I don't have to run faster than that tiger, his friend replied: "I just have to run faster than YOU...""
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.
I like this one ..... so much ....
A customer was drawing money from ATM. The thief behind him in the linesaid,"Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.Its 4 asterisks(****). The customer replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U rwrong.It's 2539."
Fifty fun things to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc. . ).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i. e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher"
Error codes in Windows
WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what happened
WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More!
WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System destroyed. Buy new one.
WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
WinErr 01A: OS overwritten - Please reinstall all software.
WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will suffer a penalty for that.
WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available.
WinErr 912: Purchase a new copy of Windows today. Old license void. Windows has been deleted.
There was life before the computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account!
And if you had a broken disk,
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut--you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
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